Saturday, 9 October 2010


I have never watched X Factor before. Well, I tell a lie. I saw the one last year when Jedward were Ghostbusters, but I've never watched a series of it. This year is the first year that I've been at such a loose end I have tuned for a few weeks on a run. I now see why I have not done this before.The above psychotic behaviour is after the FIRST WEEK I WATCHED IT. Why was I that involved?? What did it matter at all? Oh dear.

Either way, I watched again tonight (a decision I made before I knew it was eight days long) with my mum and tweeted alongside too from my BlackBerry. It was an incredibly long show (2 and a half hours, near enough) with so many adverts that we also watched Superhuman: World's Smallest on ITV4+1 quality) and didn't miss anything, there were so many ad breaks.

Here is a summary of my thoughts on this week's X Factor.

Reaction to 'Wild Card' announcements and far too excited about Diva Fever.

FYD: Better dancers than singers. Had literally forgotten them after the commercial break directly after their performance. Now, four hours later, I wouldn't even be able to describe any of them to the police if they assaulted me.

Matt: MR and I hated it. What is the appeal of this guy? And who let him put that fucking hat back on??

Rebecca: I was looking forward to her and found myself very underwhelmed. Fantastic dress, but very boring performance. I put 'Good advice, Simon." On twitter but can't remember what he said. No, I can! He told her to get over sad stuff and cheer the balls up. That must be why I added the 'Heroic'.

Storm: Amazed me by looking even more tragic and middle aged than he did already by dying his hair pink and wearing glittery Gaga makeup. His vocals were, you know, but him in general is an awful concept. MR's notes on the performance;

Bel Ami: All I could muster up was
and that is still all I have to say.


Diva Fever: I was momentarily thrown by the hugeness of the hideous suits, but then it all made sense when I realised there was stripping involved. They were entertaining, and had surprisingly good vocals (well, the one of them that actually sang did).

Kati Wastrel: I hate her. I agreed with Louis, the song was too big for her. She made Freddie Mercury come back as a zombie just so he could kill himself again.

Mary: I actually loved her. I liked that the song, the hair, the dress, etc grouped her in with soul divas like Shirley Bassey, as opposed to making her into the new Susan Boyle.
Niccolo: Rubbish song choice, Danni Minogue. And poor Niccolo knew it about 10 seconds into his performance which rendered the entire thing really frigging awkward.

1 Direction: High expectations; and they were excellent. They didn't ruin Coldplay.

Wagner: It was really annoying me that Louis kept calling him WAG-NER. I wanted to give ol' Vaggy a little cuddle when he finally said 'IT'S VAG-NER'.

Treyc: After my rant on Facebook you would think I would have been amazingly excited, yes? No. All I noticed about her was that she looked really uncomfortable in her dress and her arse looked pretty huge. MR thought she was sat down at one point, which was making her look like she had back, but it was in fact allllll her.

I just looked back over this post to check if I had included everyone. I only counted four names and realised the two I had missed were John and Paije. Ironically, all I had put about John was;
Failed to make an impact there, buddy.

Paije: He was amazing, no idea why he was the only one I didn't post about. He was very, very good (not that I can remember his song), but the only distinct thing I remember about his performance was MR saying 'Why are his shoes so massive?? Look at the size of his feet!'

Double throwing off tomorrow. I reckon Niccolo and maybe Wagner or Bel Ami

You know who doesn't deserve to get thrown off any show, ever?

Read his blog post about potatoes here.

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