Thursday, 7 October 2010

Simple Steps to a Better Britain

I think I should be in charge. Every time something goes wrong, I always think "I could easily fix that". Like global warming and the NHS. I mean, it was some old Welsh guy who came up with the health service, surely a young English girl can sort it all out.

As my duty to the UK, I have decided to make this blog an advice forum for David Cameron's secretary (Nick Clegg) to steal ideas from. However, this advice needn't apply only to the UK; people world-wide can start campaigns to have these simple concepts introduced to their countries*.

My first issue is fat people. Here is a fat guy:

Fat guys are great. They provide a lot of necessary comic relief and ease people's consciences, eg; "I'm eating this donut, but at least I'm not as fat as that guy.

However, sometimes fat guys ruin all the good they do for modern Britain by conducting themselves innappropriately. In order to help them live better, more productive lives I have compiled this list that I like to call; The List of Things Big Fat Guys Shouldn't Do.

Number 1: Big fat guys should not walk incredibly tiny, skinny dogs.

Number 2: Big fat guys should not drive tiny cars that they seem to fill, and which they certainly outweigh.

Number 3: Big fat guys should not sit in weak, plastic garden furniture.
Number 3 and a half: They should especially not sit in weak, plastic garden furniture with their shirt off, showing off their man bosom. Number 4: Big fat guys should not pretend to exercise.

Number 5: Big fat guys should not wear light t-shirts that are a bit too small, meaning you can see their pit stains and the shelf of fat-guy flesh that hangs down beneath it.
Number 6: Big fat guys should also not wear normal-sized jeans because they fit their arse and legs, but makes their arse crack and fat-guy flesh blossom over the top like a big muffin.
See? Simple!
The only exception to these rules is Jorge Garcia, should he ever visit our gentle shores;

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